Trade-offs, that is what most of our life is.
Sometimes they pay, usually they don't. Karan started wondering about the ones, he made.
Probably, he would have been still happier, doing the regular 9-to-5, escaping out on weekends, had he been with Tina.
In his heydays of romance, one night from his Nokia 3310 phone, he typed out SMS-by-SMS, the whole lyrics of the song "She's all I ever had" by Ricky Martin to her.
And somewhere near, it reverberated ; "...like the man I want to be, she is all I ever need".
But it was too late probably. Only, if he would have told her this, every single day. Things would have been tad different.
It took just few minutes for Karan to swing from top-of-the-world to 10000-foot-abyss.
He always thought that Tina would be there, waiting for him, no matter what. And if he did not make this, he can always go back to her arms.
The bound of selfishness in a man is immeasurable. Karan wanted to do this thing and Tina to wait on him, simultaneously.
The thing with people is that, everyone has aspirations, and the only way to survive a relationship, is to respect other person's aspirations.
Most of the times, that would mean, to the peril of one's. But that is certainly better than singing quietly, "here I am with broken wings...".
She was not to vanish, just like that, he thought. Whatever he has done, nothing warrants such a reaction. Or probably it does?
As he was puffing away his thoughts, the mobile phone rang with incoming SMS tone. He was now, no more interested, in what is happening on the field. He desperately wanted this to be from Tina, but he was also sure, that it cant be. So with a very calm action, he reached out in the pocket and fished out his Nokia X2-02.
The SMS was from Ashish, one of his salesman. He signed up two retailers, since the morning. Karan clenched his teeth, but returned the SMS with "good job".
Suddenly Karan, felt like being done with the day at least. He just wanted to go somewhere quiet, probably over a hill and ponder for sometime.
But then, small luxuries, are so difficult to come by.
All this while, it never occurred to him that , apart from sending SMS, one more thing can be achieved from mobile phone by mortals. You can actually call people !
Ignorance is bliss.
It is is so easy to be at peace, when you don't know the truth, and Karan did not want to further torment his ripped-apart-emotions.
What happens, if the voice on the other hand tells that the particular number has been out of service? what he would do?
It is easy to pretend that, she is somewhere out, and all is well and she would get the SMS real soon.
But the effort required to convince himself with this line, was increasing in the orders of GP with every second.
It was enough for the moment, he flipped open his founder-drawer with the next puff. Reaching out to his mobile and called up, Ashish.
"Dassi", that's all he spoke to Ashish. After fumbling for a few moments, his man recognised, what he meant and answered, yes boss!.
Karan wanted Ashish to open ten accounts today.
And then he called up everyone, including Ramesh. Except, one of his data-entry guy Sharad, everyone had open their accounts for the day.
When he asked them, why they have not informed him via SMS, when they signed-up a new retailer, all of them made flimsy excuse. But he knew the truth.
They did not want to intimate him too early of their success, and increase his expectations and then probably fall flat on it.
But he was happy to know, to be on the way ,to pass this self-inflicted test today.
He has not asked his men to come back to office in the evening, since that would mean, couple of hours wasted. So this was going to be a long day.
Keeping Tina happy with, what she would have wanted was only the 1/3rd of the battle for Karan Singh. The rest 2/3rd of the battle was far away from him, to even fight. That 2/3rd of the battle lied with the parents of Tina. She belonging to erstwhile ruling family from Kashmir and Karan, to a landlord family from Bihar. Whatever he does with 1/3rd of the battle, he was always going to lose the 2/3rd by majority.
Many a times, he used to wonder, as if her parents have managed to brain-wash her, against him. since she was not the same Tina, who once was ready to leave her cosy home for the uncertainty of a lifetime.
Had he agreed that day, things would have been different. But then things are always different, isn't it. That day, many years hence Karan told Tina, that he would not marry her as a runaway bride. If they are meant to be together, then they would fight it out and do it the right way, taking the blessings of everyone, in the due course. At the hindsight now, he regretted that as the biggest blunder that he committed in his life, apart from victorycomm.com.He did not want to be happy at the cost of making rest others unhappy, it was too worthless a deal.But at hindsight now, he wished if he would have agreed to Tina, that day.
The problem with dots is that, they can be connected only backwards.
But probably there is still some time left, to mend the wrong ways, to get Tina back. To ask her to runaway. To freedom !
Probably there is not, probably she has already run away to her freedom.
There is nothing absolute in this world, not even freedom. What is freedom for one, is slavery for other.
What cannot be undone, could always be started afresh. He knew, what needs to be done.
To Be Continued...
All rights reserved with the author - abhishek rai
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