12 Examples Of Approval-Seeking Behavior (+ How To Drop Your Need For Validation)
Do you ever wonder why you seek the approval of others so much? Or why you feel the need to do things to please others rather than yourself? Perhaps you do and it bothers you. Or perhaps you don’t, because you’re oblivious to the fact that you do it. Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist
Apology Even When There’s No Approval
You say sorry too much.
Not complaining when you’ve received unsatisfactory service or goods
By not taking issue with these things, you’re reinforcing your own lack of self-worth
- You’re telling yourself you are not entitled to the best of anything
- Don’t be afraid to criticize the service or the food
Pretending to know or understand something
An approval seeker’s default response in such a situation is to fake it
Let yourself accept the concept of rejection and criticism
Appreciate disapproval and criticism as a form of feedback to help you grow and develop
Analyze where it all began
Take the time to reflect on this period may help you identify the factors that caused your need to seek approval
Changing or adapting your point of view in the face of apparent disapproval
An approval seeker’s opinion changes depending on who they’re talking to because they lack confidence in their own convictions and are keen not to alienate others by adopting a conflicting view.
- Do you vigorously defend your position or find yourself softening your argument in order to fit more closely with theirs?
Afraid to say ‘no’ for fear of disapproval
Over-committer
Gaining attention or acceptance through gossip
Sharing gossip gives you the power to impress others, to be the center of attention, and to gain kudos. This temporarily bolsters your low self-esteem.
- Tell tales to make yourself look better or smarter or more knowledgeable.
The root cause of most approval-seeking behavior is low self-esteem
This sense of inferiority arises from many factors
- Some relate to your natural personality, while others stem from external influences
- As these build upon one another over time, the need to seek the approval of others for pretty much anything we do and say gradually intensifies
Pledge to grow
Free yourself from the need for approval from third parties by prioritizing constant improvement and learning.
- If you can begin to understand that the sky is the limit for improvement, growth, and success, your constant need for the approval of others will become a distant memory
Believe that you have every right to be you – stand up for yourself
You are entitled to your own beliefs, thoughts, and opinions
- Your opinion is just as valid as anyone else’s
- Seek therapy if you feel the need for approval
- Online therapy is more convenient and cheaper than seeing a therapist in person
Expecting compliments or fishing for them
An approval seeker may set out deliberately, however, to coerce those they’re interacting with into voicing praise.
Failing to cope with any level of criticism
If your aim is to gain the approval of others, then the concept of criticism is utterly intolerable.
- This response is often rooted in childhood when parental criticism or even punishment for failed goals or tasks drove us on to seek approval next time.
Appearing to agree with someone when you do not
You want the person to approve of you and like you.
Not standing up for your own rights
Being a human doormat is easier than saying “hey, no, that’s not fair”
Behaving in a way that’s contrary to your own beliefs
An approval seeker can easily find themselves in a situation where they don’t follow their heart. They follow their people-pleasing head instead, even if this creates a conflict with their core beliefs
How To Stop Seeking Validation
These steps will allow you to understand and then gradually change your perspective as you develop self-respect and drop your constant need for validation.
It’s not all about the outcomes
Focus on the ‘process’ rather than the outcome by making yourself indispensable through increased efficiency or organizational skills.
- These improvements may get you noticed and may result in the salary hike you were hoping for
- Don’t set yourself up for failure by pinning your hopes on outcomes over which you have no control