4 Ways We Disrupt the Cycle of Generosity
Gratitude, witnessing prosocial acts, and helping others contribute to the well-being of givers and receivers. Emotions fuel the giving-receiving cycle that is central to the functioning of human communities. There are four ways that people impede the giving-receiving process, as well as how to avoid them.
Failure to Actually Ask
- Most people are willing to help, but they don’t know what you need and can’t help until you tell them
- An effective ask follows SMART criteria: specific, meaningful (the “why” of the request), action-oriented (asking for something to be done), realistic, and time-bound (a specific deadline)
Failure to Follow Through
- It is the responsibility of the requester to follow through with the person who made the offer immediately. Not doing so means the person is less likely to help you in the future
- Following up takes place after you address the issue that prompted your request in the first place. It lets your helpers know the impact they’ve made
Failure to Accept Offers Graciously
- It’s important to separate the act of offering help from the content of the offer
- Rebuffing an offer of help is hurtful and reduces the chances the person will try to help again
- Gratitude is the proper response to an offer
Failure to Express Sincere Gratitude
- The expression of gratitude motivates the helper to help you again, as well as to pay it forward and help third parties
- This chain of reciprocity breaks when we fail to say thank you or give only faint thanks