A Psychologist’s Advice on How to Deal with Disappointment
Disappointment is a part of life that comes up when hopes or expectations aren’t met. It’s not an easy feeling to sit with, but there are healthy (and unhealthy) ways to cope with this unavoidable emotion. Here are some healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with disappointment.
Understanding the Disappointment and Validating It
Acknowledge that you’re experiencing disappointment
- It’s tempting to ignore, minimize, or distract yourself from unpleasant feelings, but this can actually make these feelings more of a problem over time
- Instead, acknowledging and naming a feeling (even doing this out loud!) can help you cope in a healthy way
How to cope with disappointment
Acknowledging disappointment by naming and validating it is a good place to start
- Getting support from others and distracting yourself are also helpful ways to tolerate feelings of disappointment while they persist
- Making your expectations more flexible and realistic can also help lessen the discomfort of disappointment
Tolerating and “Riding the Wave” of Disappointment
All emotions, including disappointment, pass or fade with time
- Part of healthy coping with disappointment is reminding yourself that disappointment is like a wave – ride it until it passes
- Being kind toward yourself and validating the feeling can help you ride out a wave of disappointment
Example: Marcus
Marcus wanted to spend more time with his grandchildren, so he started to pick them up after school every weekday.
- He kept accidentally falling asleep when they’d play calm games or watch a movie together, and felt disappointed in himself because he kept sleeping through something that was really important to him, which also made him feel guilty about it.
Checking expectations and adjusting them to match reality
Sometimes, adjusting expectations is the best way to cope with disappointment
When People Disappoint You
Other people have their own ideas, feelings, desires, and challenges, so there is no way they will always meet the expectations you have of them.
- When you feel disappointed in someone else, it’s also common to feel frustrated or resentful, or even angry.
Focusing on the Bigger Picture: Expecting and Accepting Disappointment in Life
Remember that disappointment is simply a part of life.
Disappointment in Yourself
Sadness and guilt tend to come up when you feel disappointment in yourself