Consequences versus punishment
Punishment is defined by Merriam-Webster as “suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution.” The goal is to inflict hurt, pain and to get even. Consequences give your child the message that he is capable of taking responsibility for problems and can handle them.
Punishment v. Consequences
Backtalking/disrespect
- Mouth washed out with soap
- Child loses privileges until attitude improves
- Chores not done
- Damaging property
- Spanked and grounded
- Misbehavior at the dinner table
- Lying
- Sit in the corner with face to wall
- Stealing
- Makes amends to store or person
- Fails in school
- Grounded at home
- Studies rather than playing at recess
Why punishment doesn’t work
It backfires
- Using anger as a tool isn’t effective – especially in wounded children, who tend to have a high tolerance for negativity, conflict, and chaos
- Punishment teaches children to respond out of fear rather than out of a desire to please or do the right thing
- There is no long-lasting development of an inner compass, so punishing does not lead to self-control or self-discipline
A great thing to do instead of punishing
“Think-It-Over Time”
- This is a constructive consequence similar to time out in that parents and child take a break
- The goal is to help your child learn, communicate, and achieve positive change
- Three steps
- Tell your child to sit for a brief time to think about her behaviors and choices
- When you are ready, not when your child demands, go to your child