How to come out of your shell
If being introverted is holding you back from the life you want, dive in for a way out by Christian Jarrett + BIO Photo by Danielle Kiemel/Getty Christian Jarrett is deputy editor of Psyche and author of Be Who You Want: Unlocking the Science of Personality Change (2021).
Need to know
Jessica Pan conducted a self-experiment to live as an out-and-out extravert for a year
- The extraversion-introversion dimension in modern personality science is similar to how we talk about these labels in everyday life
- In personality science, our levels of introversion vs extraversion are considered one of the Big Five personality traits
- Extraverts tend to be happier in life, bolder and more confident, which has benefits for their careers and health
- If you’re a strong introvert, you’re quiet and reserved, you experience less high-energy, positive emotion, and you avoid too much stimulation
- You’re a chill-seeker, in other words, rather than a thrill-seekers
- There are advantages to being more introverted, such as more solitary career pursuits, including remote working, and it can provide protection against the dangers of overindulgence
- Introverts are also more effective and proactive leaders in certain situations
- One of the advantages of being extraverted is the patience and sensitivity of strong introverts, which nourish creativity and creativity and ability to sustain dedicated practice
Dealing with fears of being inauthentic or faking it
It is not fake to choose to change one or more of your personality traits, so that you might live more in tune with your hopes and aspirations in life.
- If you are content with how you are, and don’t feel your introversion is an obstacle to what matters to you in life, then you should not feel pressured to act more like an extravert just to fit cultural expectations.
Links & Books
Be who you want: Unlocking the Science of Personality Change (2021) provides many more exercises and inspiring stories to help you increase your extraversion (and develop your other traits).
- Both my book and this Guide are grounded in the Big Five model of personality.
- Colby Personality Lab, led by Christopher Soto at Colby College in Maine, hosts various free tests to discover your own personality trait profile.
What to do
General guidance and warming up for change
- Bear in mind that your personality traits – including your levels of extraversion – reflect your current deep-seated habits of thought, emotion, and ways of relating to other people and the wider world.
- Instead of waiting passively for life to change you, you can choose to change those habitual ways of being, and take intentional control over some of the internal and external forces that continue to shape your personality
How to Come Out of Your Shell
You can increase your willingness and ability to come out of your shell by making efforts to change yourself from the inside out, the outside in, and by considering your overarching values and goals.
- Inside out: alter your habits of thought, feeling, and behavior
- Outside in: take intentional control over the environmental forces shaping your personality