How to Cope With Being Underestimated
So many of us feel underestimated all day, every day. Either through subtle shade or overt obnoxiousness, it’s a sobering smack in the face when someone makes it clear they don’t expect much from you. Whether we realize it or not, a perceived lack of faith from those who know us, teach us, or pay us can seep deeply into our state of mind and can be difficult to detach from. But there are some tools that can help.
Shake off what others put on you
- When being underestimated, recognize that the reality of the situation has nothing to do with your internal capabilities
- Sometimes, it is about your race or your gender, and having that be a clear part of the narrative frees you up from internalizing because you’re not the one falling short
Be angry
- Anger, redemption, and revenge are very good motivators when you’re underestimated
- Once you realize that person is trying to shame, gaslight, or humiliate you (by underestimating you), once you know that, it’s very easy to turn the tables and make them uncomfortable
Connect with your sense of purpose
- Get into the room to vie for the deal
- Think about who it could help
- Ask yourself: Does my being in that room make it easier for the next person to be in there who looks like me?
Play the long game
- Commit to a long view for your vision
- Don’t just sit back and watch things happen casually, you have to be ready for the long-term vision for your company and commit to not giving up just because things don’t go according to plan
Consider What You Can Control
Karen Palmer, a leadership coach based in Brooklyn, says we can’t control how others think and behave, so when you’re feeling underestimated, it helps to focus on what you can control within yourself.
Don’t underestimate your value
- Impostor syndrome is something that has been put on us to gaslight us
- We know so many people who are supposed to be where they are, and they’re doing just fine
Expand your social circle
- Breaking away from insular social circles and reaching beyond your job or industry to connect with others in new ways can help set you on a more positive path
- Join an intellectual group that is not connected to your job so you can have a different way of relating to people that actually demonstrates you have something else to offer
Rally strategic support
- Be around other people who are driven, who are wanting to do more, and who are competitive in a way that propels one another forward
- You need to have friends who say, ‘You know what? You can do it. I have faith in you. Keep running forward’