How to deal with someone who keeps undermining you at work
Parent Post
How do you deal
How do you deal with Negative Nancy or Pessimistic Paul, ready with undermining and backhanded compliments?
Whether it’s at work, a networking event, or even from your cousin, it’s one of the most frustrating feelings ever.
To recover from a
To recover from a frustrating moment like this, acknowledge their insecurities and remind yourself you are fighting a bigger fight.
What you end up doing has more significance than what you say you’re going to do and at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what this other person thinks or says about it.
For example:Paul: What do
For example:
Paul: What do you do?
You: I am opening a restaurant downtown.
Paul: That’s such a great achievement for a woman.
These are backhanded compliments. They’re words that are strung together to sound like a compliment, only to deviously undermine you in the process.
Here’s how to deal with it.
Turn it into your
Turn it into your “why”
When things make you upset, let it be the fuel to your fire. If someone belittles you for being just an “entry-level” employee, then let it push you even harder to get a promotion.
When people want to doubt you, let it serve as the reason why you will not succumb to their negativity.
Take a breathThings people
Take a breath
Things people say are a reflection of them, not you.
When Paul says it’s such a great achievement for a woman, it’s because he’s insecure about the gender gap and still doesn’t know how to deal with a go-getting woman.
Just take a breath and know they’re coming from a different place.
You have nothing to
You have nothing to prove. Your actions speak louder than words.
You know yourself best. Although it would be tempting in this type of situation to list off all of your achievements and detail how much of a hard worker you are, let it go.
You don’t need to say a word. The more you say, the more they have to jab at.
Smile and move onThe
Smile and move on
The body has a fight-or-flight mode. To smile and move on is not a flight, but a recognition that this person is not worth your time.
If a new acquaintance says something you don’t like, you don’t have to give them the time of day anymore. Excuse yourself and move on.
Acknowledge the comment head-onIf
Acknowledge the comment head-on
If you’re in fight mode, then say something. Ask Paul what he means by, “for a woman” and if he thinks it’s a great achievement for a man, too.
If it feels like a good moment to teach a quick lesson about gender roles, then stand up for it. It’s easy to get heated but focus on staying calm and addressing the root of the problem.
It’s a judgment call here, but remember to ultimately be the bigger person. You can’t change someone’s mind if they don’t want it changed, so say your peace and move on