How to manage “Can I pick your brain?” requests
Parent Post
You open your mail,
You open your mail, and see an email with the dreaded “Can I pick your brain?” request with a vague demand to extract value from you.
What are some ways you can reply to these emails without sounding rude, and how can you avoid being the offender when you need advice from someone?
Offer to answer some
Offer to answer some questions over email.
Finally, if you do want to help despite the vagueness of the request but have limited time, ask the person to share their most important questions for you to answer over email.
Create a list of frequently asked questions to get compound interest in the time you spend answering.
Whenever someone asks a question that already appears on that list, send them the link.
Set specific intentions. The more
Set specific intentions.
The more targeted your request is, the more likely the receiver will be to understand whether they have the capacity to help.
There are four different types of advice:
- Discrete, where you need help exploring options for a single decision.
- Counsel, where you need guidance on how to approach an unfamiliar situation.
- Coaching, where you need help with personal development.
- Mentoring, where you need support in navigating work and building your career.
Provide value. The goal of
Provide value.
The goal of a brain-picking request is to get valuable advice from someone who is knowledgeable about a specific area of knowledge or personal growth you want to explore.
The value could simply be monetary, but you could also share the notes you took during the meeting, or offer to credit them in the output of the work.
If you’re not sure how to provide value, just ask.
Turn the request into
Turn the request into a consulting opportunity.
If the person who reached out wants to “pick your brain” about a work project that is relevant to your expertise, and you are willing to spend some time helping them, ask for compensation.
Share your hourly rate or send them a link to book a consulting session. For example, tools like Calendly integrate with PayPal and Stripe.
Be polite. Don’t forget to
Be polite.
Don’t forget to say thank you! Send a quick thank you note, even though other gestures will be more memorable.
If you are an entrepreneur, give your advisor a free sample of your product.
Share an alternative resource. If
Share an alternative resource.
If the person is reaching out about something that may not work as a consulting project, or they may not have a budget, you can redirect them to another resource, such as a blog post, a podcast episode, a book, or an online community around the topic they want to explore.
Brain-picking requests are rarely
Brain-picking requests are rarely successful because people who receive them may be afraid of wasting their time by replying to them.
In order to get the advice you need while not being considered a bit of a jerk, here are five steps to set clear expectations and to show the person you’re reaching out to that you value their time.
It isn’t that hard,
It isn’t that hard, and spending a little bit more time to send high-quality brain-picking requests will result in more fruitful conversations.
Not only is it a great way to protect people’s mental health by not overflooding their inboxes with unclear requests, but it can help the sender gain more clarity around their specific needs. Win-win!
Replying to “Can I
Replying to “Can I pick your brain?” requests
First, know that you do not have to reply at all. Your time and your mental energy are precious.
If it feels like someone did not put any effort into sending you a “pick your brain” email, you don’t need to put any effort into replying either.
Sometimes people have a genuine need, and the “pick your brain” format can be due to clumsiness or limited professional experience rather than laziness. In those cases, here are some options:
Do your research. Show that
Do your research.
Show that you have done as much research as possible, and resolved to send them an email because you could not figure out an answer to your query based on what’s freely available.
If the person accepts the meeting, spend a bit more time watching videos, listening to podcasts, or reading the work of your target advisor.
Keep it brief. Consider the
Keep it brief.
Consider the time it will take for the receiver to read your email, reply to it, and set up some time. Keep your communication short and to the point.
If they agree to meet, make it as easy and quick as possible. For example, a short Zoom call is better than a coffee chat across the city.