How to overcome regret
Parent Post
Excessive regret is a
Excessive regret is a bad thing but the attitude of “no regrets” is dumb and wrong. Regret can be a stroke of genius. It has three big positives:
- Regret improves your decision making.
- Regret boosts your performance.
- Regret can deepen meaning in life.
Regrets can be good but that doesn’t mean we want to increase them; they’re the consolation prize.
Here are different types of regrets and how to avoid them.
Moral regretsYou behave poorly,
Moral regrets
You behave poorly, break the rules, lie, or betray. Moral regrets sound like: “If I’d only done the right thing…”
The lesson here?
Do the right thing. Make the decision you will be proud of in the future, no matter how tempting the immediate alternative.
Connection regretsWe let friendships
Connection regrets
We let friendships die – or never give them the chance to bloom. This was the most common of the big four regrets. Dan says connection regrets sound like this: “If only I’d reached out…”
The lesson here?
Text them. Now. Come back to everything later. Call that person. You’ll feel better.
Foundational regretsThese result from
Foundational regrets
These result from a failure to act responsibly when we weren’t conscientious, prudent, or disciplined enough. We shirk in school, eschew exercise, or don’t work hard enough on the job.
So how do we prevent them?
Do the work. Take a future focus.
Think a little less about what’s fun now and a little more about where you want to be in a year.
How do we cope?Disclose
How do we cope?
Disclose – Relive and relieve. Open up about it to someone you trust.
Reframe – The best way to do that is through self-compassion. Forgive yourself. Accept that you make mistakes.
Extract a lesson – Get some distance from your regrets. Look at it from a 10,000-foot view. How much will this matter 10 years from now? And then, look for the lesson.
Boldness regretsAt the heart
Boldness regrets
At the heart of boldness regrets is missing the opportunity for growth. For what could have been. We miss a shot at authenticity. To be who we want to be. We play it safe, and that means settling for less.
The lesson here should be pretty clear: be bold.
Do that thing. Start that business. Ask that person out.