How To Stop Seeking Approval From Others
Breaking free from the chains of external validation can be a daunting task. Yet, it's a journey worth embarking on. Discover the path to self-reliance and inner confidence, and learn how to stop seeking approval from others.
Keep Your Goals Realistic
Set yourself up for success by developing small, attainable goals you know you can meet.
Make a To-Do List
Start with the smallest thing, like talking to strangers at a party, then move on to bigger obstacles, like speaking in front of your boss.
- Confidence is a feeling and belief that you can do things no matter how hard they are. Once you complete these fears you will not require approval from others.”
Write Down Five Daily Accomplishments
Shifting focus to things that are working will help you focus on the things that aren’t.
- It’ll also serve as a personal reminder that you’re doing great, even if it doesn’t always seem that way.
Work On Being Brave Fresh
Give yourself permission to do it anyway, even if you make a mistake or mess up
- Lean into courage when confidence is lacking
- Being courageous means you don’t have to have all the right answers, so you won’t have the same urgency to seek others’ approval
Try Not To Compare Yourself To Others
Be cool with where you are right now, but think about where you’d like to be
- Accept yourself for who you are, and understand you can learn, grow, and change in positive ways
- Do not strive to be the best version of yourself
Replace That Mean Voice In Your Head
Everyone is their own worst critic
- Take the time to catch these thoughts as they happen, possibly by meditating or journaling, and note how they make you feel
- Counter them with positive reflections that remind you that you are valuable and capable
Surround Yourself With Nice People
The need for validation can creep in when you’re surrounded by people who don’t have your back
- It’s so important to have at least one person in your social circle who builds you up
- Inspire and remind you of how important your contribution to the world is
Remember To Practice
When you aren’t totally proficient at something – or even kind of OK at it – you’ll feel an increased need to check in with others to make sure you’re on the right track
- One surefire way to provide yourself with a little more confidence is by practicing on your own
- Confidence comes with competence
And trust yourself more
A lack of confidence stems from a lack of trust in ourselves
- When we don’t trust ourselves, then we look to others for approval
- We trust their opinion more than our own, so we see their opinion as more valid because we’re not trusting ourselves or our perspective
Learn To Accept Mistakes
Everyone messes up and says or does the wrong thing on occasion.
Be Nice To Yourself
It takes a lot of work and self-care to replace bad habits, meet goals, speak kindly to yourself, and generally recognize that you do not need someone else’s approval to feel good about yourself.
- Building confidence is an ongoing process, but it can be a lot more fun and exciting when we approach ourselves with understanding.
Stick a Positive Note By Your Desk
Choose a mantra or quote that helps remind you to stop seeking validation from others – then say it to yourself every day.
Take a Break From Social Media
Sometimes you just need to take a break from being overstimulated by social media. Focus on other things (like fixing up your resume) to help your mind unwind.
- In a world full of media – social, television, print, and beyond – we are bombarded with images of idealism, which can lead to constant social comparison and second-guessing.
Try To Understand Why You’re Seeking Approval
Before you turn to others for approval, stop and ask yourself, ‘What do I think about this?’ Then, ‘Why don’t I trust my own opinion in this matter?'” says clinical psychologist, speaker, and founder of the AZ Postpartum Wellness Coalition Christina G. Hibbert, Psy.D.
- Understanding the motive behind your need for approval is an important step in overcoming it
Check The Accuracy Of Your Beliefs
You don’t want to be persuaded because you may not truly believe in your voice yet.
Pause Before You Speak
When you pause, you’re taking a moment to check in with yourself first.
- You’ll find your urge to seek the opinions and approval of others decreases as you build your trust in yourself each time you hear your own opinion.
Learn To Accept Yourself For Who You Are
Focus on what makes you happy.
Become Aware Of Your Positive Traits
It’s a huge help to ask yourself questions about what makes you great.
- Zero in on things you handle well on your own and things you’ve already accomplished. Ask yourself, “What is my proudest moment?” or “What brings me joy?”