How to Turn Small Talk Into Smart Conversation
Introverts do a passable job at talking. We stagger through our romantic, professional and social worlds with the goal merely of not crashing, never considering that we might soar. Below, a few tips for introverts (and everyone else) on how to turn small talk into big ideas at the next social obligation
Ask for stories, not answers
Aim for questions that invite people to tell stories, rather than give bland, one-word answers. Try:
- “What’s your story?”
- “What did you do today?”
- “What’s the strangest thing about where you grew up?”
- “What’s the most interesting thing that happened at work today?”
Break the mirror
When small talk stalls out, it’s often due to a phenomenon we call “mirroring.” In our attempts to be polite, we often answer people’s questions directly, repeat their observations, or just blandly agree with whatever they say.
Mirrored example:
James: It’s a beautiful day!
John: Yes, it is a beautiful day!
Leapfrog over the expected response
An even better way to break the boring-conversation mirror is to skip over the expected response, and go somewhere next-level:
Instead of :
Ron: How was your flight?
Carlos: My flight was good!
Try:
Ron: How was your flight?
Carlos: I’d be more intrigued by an airline where your ticket price was based on your body weight and IQ.