How To Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. This classic book, first published in 1936, is still relevant after almost 90 years.
DALE CARNEGIE
You can make more friends in a month by being genuinely interested in other people, than in a year by trying to make other people interested in you.
The Desire to be Great
Even Siegmund Freud, who dealt with the nature of humans and their subconsciousness, came to the conclusion that all actions of a person boil down to two basic motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great.
This desire to be something special shapes us in every action we do. Some people are so thirsty for confirmation that a simple compliment is enough to make a new friend.
Talk About Your Mistakes
If you made a mistake, speak openly and directly about it. This is not bad in any way. It shows humanity and strength to face one’s mistakes. You also feel better about yourself when you can criticize yourself for it.
Always show that mistakes are easy to correct because they are in the majority of cases.
To be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener
Most people would prefer a good listener to a good talker.
There is one principle you have to remember when you talk to someone: You shall never interrupt the other person, even if they say something you completely disagree with.
When talking to other people, we often want to persuade them to our way of thinking. So we tend to interrupt them to make our own point. Never do that. It gives the impression that you do not care about what they have to say.
Listen carefully and try to understand the other person’s point of view.
Smile
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But even if it is simple, the impact a smile can have is gigantic. By smiling, you show other people that you are pleased to see them. Everyone likes to be around someone who is always positive and warm.
If you are not in the mood to smile, force yourself. Actions come from emotions, but it is also possible that it works the other way around. Happy actions can cause happy emotions. Just give it a try.
Never Criticize
Mistakes happen – to all of us. When someone did something wrong, or something that you think is wrong, the worst thing you can do is to criticize that person.
By criticizing, you make them feel inferior, and that only makes them try to justify themself. Show forgiveness and if you have to tell them, never address their mistakes directly.
The Hidden Power of Names
Never forget that a person’s name is the most beautiful thing they can hear. A name identifies them and gives them the feeling to be something important.
Remember the names of people you meet and show them the next time that you do. That will show that you care for them and that will make them feel special.
Show your Interest
The person you are talking to is the most interesting in the world, and your job is to find out why.
By showing your genuine interest in someone, you give them the feeling to be great. Everyone likes to be great – we like to be around those who share our greatness. So the best way to make somebody interested in you is to be genuinely interested in them and their lives.
Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want
The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
To convince someone to do something, we have to frame it in terms of what motivates them. And in order to do that, we have to be able to see things from their point of view as well as our own.
Keep calm and patient
If something upsets you, it can be hard not to get angry. But even in the most stressful moments, it is important to stay calm and be patient with other people.
To become angry does not show your strength or your assertiveness. The opposite is true. So always keep calm in mind.
Don’t Condemn, Try To Understand
One of the fundamental keys to successful human relations is understanding that other people may be totally wrong, but they don’t think they are.
Put yourself in their place. Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.
Avoid arguments
The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it.
If we lose the argument, we lose; if we win the argument, we have made the other person feel inferior, hurt his pride, and made him resent us. In other words, we still lose.
The person you are arguing with will, in most cases, hold on to their opinion and will try to persuade you of it.
Try to avoid the points you disagree with and find the ones with which you are on the same page.
That shifts the focus of attention to the positive sides and will cause a much calmer and more harmonious discussion.
A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.
If you want enemies, excel with your friends. However, if you want friends, let your friends outperform you.