Regret can be all-consuming – a neurobehavioral scientist explains how people can overcome it
Regret, a powerful emotion, can often consume us whole. But, is there a way to overcome it? A neurobehavioral scientist delves into the intricacies of this emotion, offering insights into how we can navigate and potentially conquer our regrets.
Regret is a very real reaction to a disappointing event in your life
It’s one of those feelings you can’t seem to shake, a heavy and intrusive negative emotion that can last for minutes, days, years or even a lifetime
- Dealing with regret is even more difficult because of the other negative emotions connected to it
- Regret can increase our stress, negatively affect physical health and throw off the balance of hormone and immune systems.
More knowledge = less regret
At first, Jay pushed away his feelings of regret.
- Eventually, he accepted the pain of not knowing what might have happened, but also reminded himself of his rationale at the time, which was actually quite reasonable
- He demonstrated compassion towards himself, and spoke to himself kindly, the way he would when talking to a loved one or close friend
- On making future decisions, Jay recognized the importance of obtaining as much information about opportunities as possible
A’sense of stuckness’
There are basically two ways to experience regret: One is what researchers refer to as the action path and the other is the inaction path
- Research suggests that action-related regrets, although painful, spur people to learn from their mistakes and move on.
- Inaction path: The things undone, the opportunities lost, is harder to fix. This kind of regret is more likely to lead to depression, anxiety, and a sense of “stuckness”
Accept, acknowledge and forgive yourself
Forgiving yourself for actions taken or not taken is a powerful step toward overcoming regret.
- A commonly used cognitive psychological model called REACH, which asks people to recall the hurt (face it), empathize, offer forgiveness, and commit publicly (share it), can help with this.