Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
Are you your own worst critic? It's time to break free from the shackles of self-doubt and harsh self-judgment. Discover the power of self-compassion and learn how to stop being so hard on yourself.
How can you take a more balanced, emotionally equanimous approach to your performance?
Create psychological distance from self-criticism by personifying it.
- Being hard on yourself may be ineffective, but it is also a hard pattern to break. It requires consistent attention and practice.
Flip the “what if” narrative
As a sensitive striver, you have the power to channel your thinking with greater precision
- Make better use of your brain power by posing more constructive questions
- What if the senior leadership team loves my presentation? What if this idea isn’t stupid, but is the breakthrough that moves the project forward?
Set a timer and a goal
Being hard on yourself can ruin your mood, focus, and productivity if you let it.
- Time-boxing your feelings: set a timer, allow yourself to fully experience and process your emotions during that period, and then make a conscious choice about how to move forward.
Name your inner critic
Create psychological distance from self-criticism by personifying it
- Use a silly name or a character from a movie or a book
- Someone might call their inner critic “Bozo” or “the little monster”
- Cognitive defusion helps you separate yourself from your thoughts
Expand your definition of success
You don’t need to lower the bar, but you do need to broaden your scope of what qualifies as a “win.”
- Achieving the desired outcome isn’t always in your control, so broaden your definition to include: Overcoming resistance or fear, Pushing back and standing up for what you think is right, Approaching a situation with a different mindset or attitude, Taking a small step toward a goal
Avoid generalization
Combat the spotlight effect by considering your performance on aggregate rather than zeroing in on a singular negative event
- Ben realized that while all-hands wasn’t his best showing, he was only paralyzing himself further by taking this one unfavorable meeting and generalizing it to an ongoing pattern