The Reason for workplace toxicity.
What Assholes Do and How To Know Who Is One
The Trait of Assholeness: The sustained display of hostile verbal and nonverbal behavior, excluding physical contact.
After talking to the alleged asshole, does the “target” feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled by the person? In particular, does the “target” feel worse about him or herself?
Test Two: Does the alleged asshole aim his or her venom at people who are less powerful rather than at those who are more powerful?
The Real World Is Right Now
Enforce the rule by linking big policies to small decencies. Having all the right business philosophies and management practices to support the no asshole rule is meaningless unless you treat the person right in front of you, right now, in the right way
If you can’t or won’t follow the rule, it is better to say nothing at all—avoiding a false claim is the lesser of two evils.
You don’t want to be known as a hypocrite and the leader of an organization that is filled with assholes.
Adopt the One Asshole Rule
Because people follow rules and norms better when there are rare, occasional examples of bad behavior, no-asshole rules might be most closely followed in organizations that permit one or two token jerks to hang around.
These “reverse role models” remind everyone else of the wrong behavior.
Common Everyday Actions That Assholes Use
- Personal insults
- invading one’s “personal territory”
- uninvited physical contact
- threats and intimidation, both verbal and nonverbal
- “Sarcastic jokes” and “teasing” used as insult delivery systems
- withering e-mail flames
- status slaps intended to humiliate their victims
- public shaming or “status degradation” rituals
- rude interruptions
- two-faced attacks
- dirty looks
- treating people as if they are invisible.
The Damage Is Mind-Boggling
Every organization needs the no asshole rule because mean-spirited people do massive damage to victims, bystanders who suffer the ripple effects, organizational performance, and themselves.
Nasty interactions have a far bigger impact on our moods than positive interactions—five times the punch, so nasty people pack a lot more wallop than their more civilized counterparts.
Model and Teach Constructive Confrontation
Develop a culture where people know when to argue and when to stop fighting and, instead, gather more evidence, listen to other people, or stop whining and implement a decision (even if they still disagree with it).
When the time is ripe to battle over ideas, follow Karl Weick’s advice: fight as if you are right; listen as if you are wrong.
The Hidden Jerk: Observing How People React To Us
- You notice that people seem to avoid eye contact when they talk to you—and they often become very nervous.
- You have the feeling that people are always very careful about what they say around you.
- People keep responding to your email with hostile reactions, which often escalate into “flame-wars” with these jerks.
- People seem hesitant to divulge personal information to you.
- People seem to stop having fun when you show up.
- People always seem to react to your arrival by announcing that they have to leave.
Benefits Of Being An Asshole
It is nave to assume that asses always do more harm than good. So this chapter is devoted to the upside of assholes. Beware, however, that these ideas are volatile and dangerous: they provide the ammunition that deluded and destructive jerks can use to justify and even glorify their penchant for demeaning others.
- Gaining personal power and stature.
- Intimidating and vanquishing rivals.
- Motivating fear-driven performance and perfectionism.
- Bringing unfair, clueless, and lazy people to their senses.
Following Rules And Policies
When we see someone break a known rule—like “don’t litter”—and no one else seems to be breaking it, that single “deviant act” sticks out, which makes the rule more vivid and powerful in our minds. But when we see a person break a rule and everyone else seems to be breaking it, we are even more likely to break the rule, too—because there is evidence that we can get away with it, or even are expected to break the espoused rule.
When one or two “bad apples” are kept around—and perhaps rejected, punished, and shunned—everyone else is more conscientious about following the rules.
Assholes Will Hire Other Assholes
Keep your resident jerks out of the hiring process, or if you can’t, involve as many “civilized” people as possible in interviews and decisions to offset this predilection of people to hire “jerks like me.”
Organizations usually wait too long to get rid of certified and incorrigible assholes, and once they do, the reaction is usually, “Why did we wait so long to do that?”
Manage The Moments
Effective asshole management means focusing on and changing the little things that you and your people do—and big changes will follow. Reflect on what you do, watch how others respond to you and to one another, and work on “tweaking” what happens as you are interacting with the person in front of you right now.
