What to do when you feel stuck in negative emotions
Parent Post
We’ve all been there:
We’ve all been there: A strong emotion like anger or fear sucks us in and suddenly we can’t seem to control the things we say or do, hurting ourselves and those around us.
Negative emotions can be clues to our deepest values, and the ways in which we may have gotten off track.
We act like wind-up toys, repeatedly bumping into the same walls, never realizing there may be an open door just to our left or our right.
One way to get
One way to get some perspective on a difficult feeling is to use language.
Looking at our predicament from another person’s perspective is a way to gain some distance.
Eventually, by sitting with our feelings in this way, they may pass—along with the fatalistic stories we’ve concocted in our heads.
4 commons ways we
4 commons ways we get stuck
When we get stuck or held in the thrall of a particularly nasty feeling—there are a few common culprits:
- Monkey mind: We’ve spiralled off into a cascade of regret about the past, worry about the future, or judgments about ourselves.
- Old ideas: We’re repeating old thoughts and behaviours that no longer fit the current reality.
- Righteousness: Our need to be right leads to conflict with others, rather than forgiveness and understanding.
- Blaming thoughts for behaviors: Because we think certain things, we feel compelled to take certain actions. We fail to recognize that we could choose a different path.
Emotional agility sets us
Emotional agility sets us up to thrive in life.
Negative emotions can be clues to our deepest values, and the ways in which we may have gotten off track.
Loneliness reminds us to make time for our relationships.
Once we’ve identified these inconsistencies, we can make small course corrections to point us in the right direction.
The way we cope
The way we cope with negative feelings often serves to keep us stuck.
Some of us bottle our emotions, trying to ignore them and soldier on.
In the process, we end up stressing out the people around us and may find those feelings “leaking out” in other ways: anger at a cashier, for example, when our real anger is directed toward someone else.
How to cultivate emotional
How to cultivate emotional agility?
To get unhooked, we first have to acknowledge the hook—in other words, to be mindful and accepting of our feelings.
The point of identifying these feelings is not to beat ourselves up, though.
In fact, if we want to make improvements in the future, the best approach is self-compassion.
With the clarity it brings, we can try to understand what the feelings are telling us—what we can learn about our desires, boundaries, or needs.