‘Who Am I?’ How to Find Your Sense of Self
Embarking on a journey to discover oneself can be both daunting and enlightening. 'Who Am I?' is a question that echoes in the minds of many. Let's delve into the process of self-discovery and how to cultivate a strong sense of self.
Your sense of self refers to your perception of the collection of characteristics that define you
Personality traits, abilities, likes and dislikes, your belief system or moral code, and the things that motivate you all contribute to self-image or your unique identity as a person
- Knowing who you are allows you to live with purpose and develop satisfying relationships, both of which can contribute to overall good emotional health.
Attachment
An insecure attachment can affect not only the development of your identity but also your behavior in adult romantic relationships.
- When you don’t feel certain of your caregivers’ unconditional love and acceptance, you might tailor your behavior to earn their approval
- This pattern continues to play out in your future relationships as you stifle your own needs in order to fulfill the needs of your partners
Define your values
Your belief system can help you recognize what matters most to you and determine where you stand on important issues
- Values can help guide the boundaries you set with others in your life
- You don’t have to identify all your values at once
- Think about some potential ones as you go about your day
Spend time alone
Getting to know yourself better will involve some quality time alone.
Do my choices reflect my own interests or someone else’s?
Decisions mostly grounded in your desires and goals for yourself typically reflect a strong sense of self
- A better understanding of the factors that play a part in the formation of self-image can help you begin sharpening it
Consider how to achieve your ideals
Differences between your ideal self and your actual self can contribute to feelings of dissatisfaction, even depression
- Knowing who you are may not be enough, though it’s a good start
- Once you have a more firmly defined sense of self, consider what you can do to align your life with your identity
- Therapy is a great place to begin the self-exploration process
- Identify values
- uncover attachment issues or problematic relationship patterns
- Learn and practice decision making skills
- Address unmet needs
Individuation
This process of developing a unique self begins in childhood
A desire to fit in
Switching between these different “selves” can make it even more difficult to unearth your true nature and create stress for yourself.
- An unstable sense of self can make you feel flat and unfulfilled, but it’s always possible to develop a clearer self-image.
Do I say yes to make others happy?
It’s totally fine to accommodate others sometimes, but if you always agree to what others want, you likely aren’t living for yourself
- Defining yourself mostly by relationships with others or your ability to please your loved ones can suggest a less-developed sense of self
What are my strengths?
Having a good handle on your talents and maximizing them in your day-to-day life often means you have a healthy sense of self
Make your own choices
Make decisions for yourself that benefit your health and well-being
- Seek guidance from others, but that doesn’t mean you lack a sense of self
- At the end of the day, it’s important to make the choice that’s best for you