Why success can feel so bitter
Parent Post
Have you anchored your
Have you anchored your happiness to a far-off goal that you could attain only at significant personal cost?
Maybe it’s finishing a degree, publishing a book, or making a certain amount of money.
Nothing is wrong with these goals per se, but even if you achieve your goal, you are very unlikely to achieve the happiness you’re after.
Can you take one
Can you take one step at a time?
Frequent, small achievements tend to start a cycle of success and happiness much more than infrequent, big ones.
Make sure you can break your long-term goals into smaller chunks—even into goals for individual days.
You can have a victory each day and not be dependent on something that might happen years into the future.
Dreams and goals are
Dreams and goals are important because they give us a metric against which to measure progress.
Progress, not meeting a goal, is what brings true happiness.
A survey of 238 employees at seven companies found that satisfaction was brought about not by big, audacious wins, but rather by forwarding momentum in meaningful work.
Humans are wired, it seems, for improvement.
Are you enjoying the
Are you enjoying the journey?
A little voice in your head always tells you that your dream, whether it’s Olympic gold or winning the presidency, will bring you bliss, so a lot of misery in pursuit of it is worthwhile.
But that isn’t true. The more emphasis you put on the end state, the more emotional trouble you will face.
Instead of single-mindedly chasing a goal, focus more on whether you’re getting anything out of your progress right now.
Goal attainment can even
Goal attainment can even bring problems.
Some researchers have argued that when a goal is a true endpoint for progress, the cessation of forward motion can lead to a feeling of emptiness.
You might feel the “post-achievement hangover,” a feeling of restlessness and mild depression after a major milestone, such as graduating from college or getting married.
Do you like pie?Here’s
Do you like pie?
Here’s an existential riddle: What’s usually first prize in a pie-eating contest? Answer: More pie.
A good goal should improve your quality of life by changing your day-to-day for the better, not to limp across the finish line and stop after a terrible ordeal.
Working toward a goal is a lot like that pie-eating contest. Make sure you’re really in it for the long haul.
This potentially explains a
This potentially explains a lot of paradoxical behaviour, such as why New Year’s resolutions usually fail in the long run, even after initial success.
The imagined sustained bliss after, saving more money is a mirage; your prize for success is saving money, forever.
The progress gives you little shots of dopamine, but once you hit your goal, it’s a dopamine desert.
To pursue one big
To pursue one big goal in the hope of attaining happiness is to set yourself up for unhappiness.
This doesn’t mean that you should abandon all goals, however. You just need to understand and pursue them in a different way.
Subject your goals to a bit of scrutiny. Ask yourself three questions.