Why we define ourselves by our jobs
The most popular surname in Germany and Switzerland is Müller, while in Ukraine, it’s Melnik; both are words for a miller. In Slovakia, the most common last name is Varga, a word that means cobbler. And in the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the US, Smith – as in blacksmith, silversmith, locksmith, gunsmith
Identity marker
Today, our jobs don’t dictate our names, but they still often become a major part of our identities
- Many of us have come to actually define ourselves by our occupations – which often comes at our own expense
- When you become so enmeshed in your job that it begins to define you, you also may begin to let it determine your own value
- The enmeshment trap
- People in high-powered executive positions, lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs, academics and others who set their own hours can end up letting their jobs fill a lot of – or most of – the time in their lives
- A common sign of this is thinking about work when you aren’t at work and bringing up your job within the first three minutes of a conversation
- This can lead to a psychological state called ‘enmeshMENT’, where the boundaries between work and personal life blur
‘Elite’ professionals are among the most likely to identify as their careers, and experience enmeshment
Moving away from a system where people are defined primarily or exclusively by their jobs will take more than realising there is a problem or re-prioritizing in the wake of the pandemic
- It will also require a cultural shift away from the idea that each person has a professional “calling”, dictated by who they are, and that the goal of life should be to discover it
- Adults who feel too enmeshed in their careers have some recourse: make time to relax and socialize outside work
Identities develop over time
Try not to change too much, too fast
- Diversify your life
- Get hobbies and friends a little at a time, make new identifiers slowly
- Think of it like diversifying your financial portfolio
- You have to diversify yourself to have a successful career