On Purpose with Jay Shetty – Seeking External Validation is Negatively Impacting You Podcast Summary

5 Different Types of People We Fall in Love With & Why Seeking External Validation is Negatively Impacting You (Special Episode) – Jay Shetty | Free Podcast Summary

On Purpose with Jay Shetty – Seeking External Validation is Negatively Impacting You

This time, we will talk about karma. Rule #2: Don’t Ignore Your Karma: In this chapter, we take a look at how first and early impressions of love shape our future relationship choices, the different personality types we get drawn to and why, the tendency to look for validation from others when seeking love, and how we should learn from our past relationships. 

Past experiences

  • Our past experiences, both with our parents and the media we consume, heavily influence our expectations and desires in relationships. By meditating on our younger selves, we can uncover unresolved emotional patterns and heal past wounds to take control of our choices and improve our relationships.
  • Our experiences as children with our parents and caregivers can shape how we view love and relationships as adults. Understanding and examining these experiences can help us communicate our needs and adapt to our partners, but we must also learn to find validation within ourselves.

Media creates unrealistic expectations

Media, such as movies and advertisements, can create unrealistic expectations and lead to conflict in our relationships. It’s important to consider the individual’s needs and not blindly follow societal expectations.

We must learn from our mistakes and choose partners wisely. Building a relationship is crucial, and we should avoid becoming caregivers. Playing hard to get only creates attraction but doesn’t establish a long-term bond.

A balanced partnership

In relationships, it’s crucial to strive for a balanced partnership where both parties support each other instead of being fixers or dependents. Great sex shouldn’t be the only deciding factor; focus on shared values and goals for a fulfilling relationship.

In relationships, don’t just focus on looks or achievements. Take time to observe qualities and actions, learn from past experiences, and seek mutual respect and goodness in a partner.

Wealth is temporary

  • Present yourself authentically to attract genuine connections. Don’t rely on temporary qualities like wealth or appearance to impress others, and be aware of your own motivations for seeking a partner.
  • Love yourself, reflect on past relationships, identify outdated criteria, fulfill your own needs, and appreciate small gestures every day to build loving relationships without relying on grand gestures from your partner.

The power of curating and editing early impressions

Our early experiences create impressions that shape our thinking, behaviors, and responses throughout our lives. However, we have the power to curate and edit these impressions by choosing what we watch and who we listen to. If we don’t like the consequence of a choice made based on an impression, we can revisit it and form a new one.

Understanding how our impressions are formed and how we make choices can prevent us from repeating the same patterns. By creating new impressions through trial and error, we have the opportunity to break free from the samsara of our childhood and make conscious choices based on what we truly want.

The Impact of Early Experiences on Our Relationships

In order to make better decisions in relationships, we need to learn from our past experiences and identify our patterns of behavior. Our earliest experiences of love, including those with our parents or guardians and the media we consume, can heavily influence our expectations and desires in relationships.

Meditation for the younger self is a powerful tool for uncovering unresolved desires and insecurities that still influence us today. By understanding these emotional patterns, we can take control of our choices and let go of negative impressions. It is essential to recognize and heal wounds from the past before they interfere with our present and future relationships.

How childhood lessons shape our ability to love and be loved

Childhood experiences with parents and caregivers shape our relationship dynamics in adulthood, including how we love and receive love. If a child has emotionally healthy parents who teach them about protection, caretaking, loyalty, and sacrifice, they learn to identify these qualities as love.

However, if a child has emotionally unhealthy parents, they may unintentionally memorize negative lessons about love, such as suffocation or dependence. These childhood experiences can create both gifts and pitfalls in our relationships, and we must examine and be aware of our expectations and where they come from to communicate our needs and adapt to our partners.

Ultimately, we must find love and validation within ourselves.

Understanding the influence of upbringing and parental relationships on our own relationships

Our upbringing and relationship with our parents can greatly impact our actions and choices in relationships. It’s important to recognize the gifts and gaps from our childhood and how they affect us in our current relationships. Rather than focusing on what our parents should have done, we can learn from our karma and use it to guide us towards the relationships we want.

By identifying areas for improvement, setting reminders, and repeating positive mantras, we can break negative patterns and create healthier relationships. It’s never too late to learn from our past and make positive changes for our future.

Lessons from karma in relationships

Karma teaches us important lessons, and if we don’t learn from them, we will keep repeating the same mistakes. This applies especially to relationships, where we are often drawn to the wrong types of people. We need to be conscious of who we are choosing and why, and make sure they fit what we want in our lives.

Playing hard to get may create feelings of attraction, but it doesn’t help establish a long-term relationship. It’s important to focus on building a relationship rather than the thrill of the chase. Additionally, we need to avoid becoming caregivers in a relationship and make sure we are equals.

Creating a balanced partnership in relationships

In relationships, it’s important to examine the role we play and strive for a balanced partnership where both parties are supporters of each other rather than fixers or dependents. Acting as a fixer can make our partner feel like a child, and being dependent can hinder our personal growth.

The hormone oxytocin, released during sex, can cloud our judgment and make us feel closer chemically, but not necessarily emotionally. It’s important to consider whether great sex is worth staying in a relationship that doesn’t align with our values or goals. Striving for a partnership where both parties learn from and teach each other can lead to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

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