On Purpose with Jay Shetty – Red Flags to Avoid in Relationships
Love bombing is a potential red flag that should not be overlooked. We should be mindful of any decisions we make while under the influence of oxytocin as it can cloud our judgement.
Learning to navigate heartbreak and make informed decisions in relationships
- It can be tough to figure out if a relationship is going in the right direction or if it is time to end it.
- The way our brains respond to love is similar to an addiction and when we experience a breakup, it can feel like we are going through physical pain and withdrawal.
- We can become fixated on the other person, thinking about them 85% of the time we are awake.
- It is important to not jump to conclusions and avoid making decisions out of fear or insecurity.
Recognizing the signs of love bombing in relationships
- It is normal to feel intense hurt and pain after a breakup.
- Our brains may want to seek out oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding, when we are feeling anxious or fearful.
- We may react to a breakup in ways that can be unhealthy and irrational.
- It is important to take a step back and consider the situation before making a decision.
- 70% of people say “I love you” within the first month of a relationship, a situation known as “love bombing” which can be a manipulation tactic.
Understanding the timing of true love
- People often feel pressured to say “I love you” soon after meeting someone, even though it’s not always true love.
- Real love is built over time, when both people have experienced each other’s character in different settings.
- Men tend to say “I love you” sooner than women, with an average of 88 days for men and 134 days for women.
- If someone says “I love you” too soon, we need to be careful and take the time to get to know each other better.
Unpacking the meaning of “i love you”
- We should always feel free to ask what someone means when they tell us ‘I love you’. It’s a good way to start a conversation and to get to know the other person better.
- We should never feel pressured to say ‘I love you’ too early in a relationship.
- Sex can have an effect on the way we perceive love, so it’s important to never feel pressured into having sex.
- It’s important to understand the other person’s definition of love before committing to anything.
Oxytocin: a powerful hormone that can make us blind to warning signs
- When we have sex, our brain releases a hormone called oxytocin which can make us feel more in love.
- Oxytocin also has a temporary blocking effect on negative memories, so any concerns we had before sex can fade away.
- This means that after sex, we might forget any warning signs we noticed about the other person before.
- We should be careful not to make decisions while under the influence of oxytocin since it can make us think things are better than they actually are.
Uncovering the deceptive tactics of gaslighting in relationships
- In relationships it is pretty common for people to project emotions onto the other person.
- Sometimes these feelings of insecurity can blind us to the fact that the other person may not be the right one for us.
- It is important to be in a good place emotionally before getting into a relationship.
- Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation which is used to make a person feel insecure and easier to control.
Finding a partner for a happy and successful life: a work in progress
- The phrase ‘ready for a relationship’ has been around since the 1950s, but gained popularity only in the 1980s.
- Relationships used to be viewed as a cornerstone for building a happy and successful life, however, now it’s seen as a capstone.
- People now expect their partners to have done some self-work before entering a relationship.
- Being compassionate and empathetic are important qualities to look for in a partner.