The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz
Word of advice.
The Four Agreements
Subscribe to Miniwise Newsletter (Free!)
Miniwise newsletter brings you one great bite-sized idea every day, curated from world's best non-fiction books, articles, podcasts..and more. An entire new world in just 5 minutes!
“Be impeccable with your word”: Say only what you mean.
“Don’t take anything personally”: Understand that others’ words are the product of their domesticated lives.
“Don’t make assumptions.” Be brave enough to ask questions.
“Always do your best.” Your best will change from moment to moment.
The Three Skills
We are “domesticated”—social norms and rules are lodged deep within us.
• Practice three skills to rebel against “domestication.”
- Awareness: Practice meditation and mindfulness
- Forgiveness: Awareness brings forgiveness
- Action: From forgiveness, you will receive the strength to Act
Lesson1: Be impeccable with your word
• Speak with integrity.
• Say only what you mean.
• Avoid using the words to speak against yourself or gossip about others.
• Use the power of your words in the direction of truth and love.
Lesson 2: Don’t Take Anything Personal
When someone calls you ugly, it says a whole lot more about them and their problems than it does about you.
Whatever issues they’re dealing with have led them to take their frustration out on you.
The only way to really make this a habit is to become very, very self-aware.
Knowing deep down who you are, what your truth is, and that you’re good enough allows you to stop seeking validation and acceptance.
Comments are a reflection of the commentator’s reality, not yours
Lesson 3: Don’t Make Assumptions
In Miguel’s eyes, making assumptions leads to suffering.
Assumptions often have very little basis in reality and are only real in our imaginations.
To overcome this expectation, ask questions and maintain clear communication with others. This transparent communication prevents assumptions from taking hold.
This agreement will help you avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.
Ninety-five percent of the beliefs we have stored in our minds are nothing but lies, and we suffer because we believe all the lies.
Lesson 4: Always Do Your Best
It means doing the best that you can individually manage, which can vary by situation.
You can avoid feelings of regret and accept that people do their best at every moment.
You will come to enjoy the action itself rather than just the rewards associated with it.
If doing your best means working hard because you love the task, your work will begin to feel effortless.
Three Ways To Break Old Agreements
There are lots of them, waiting to be learned.
Start noticing the beliefs you have, which are based on fear and make you unhappy
Learn to forgive the people who hurt you, most of all yourself.
Remember that each day could be your last to stay in the present.
Get the book!
Our biggest fear is not dying, it’s being ourselves.