How To Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. This classic book, first published in 1936, is still relevant after almost 90 years.
Mistakes happen – to all of us. When someone did something wrong, or something that you think is wrong, the worst thing you can do is to criticize that person.
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By criticizing, you make them feel inferior, and that only makes them try to justify themself. Show forgiveness and if you have to tell them, never address their mistakes directly.
To be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener
Most people would prefer a good listener to a good talker.
There is one principle you have to remember when you talk to someone: You shall never interrupt the other person, even if they say something you completely disagree with.
When talking to other people, we often want to persuade them to our way of thinking. So we tend to interrupt them to make our own point. Never do that. It gives the impression that you do not care about what they have to say.
Listen carefully and try to understand the other person’s point of view.
Don’t Condemn, Try To Understand
One of the fundamental keys to successful human relations is understanding that other people may be totally wrong, but they don’t think they are.
Put yourself in their place. Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But even if it is simple, the impact a smile can have is gigantic. By smiling, you show other people that you are pleased to see them. Everyone likes to be around someone who is always positive and warm.
If you are not in the mood to smile, force yourself. Actions come from emotions, but it is also possible that it works the other way around. Happy actions can cause happy emotions. Just give it a try.
Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want
The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
To convince someone to do something, we have to frame it in terms of what motivates them. And in order to do that, we have to be able to see things from their point of view as well as our own.
Keep calm and patient
If something upsets you, it can be hard not to get angry. But even in the most stressful moments, it is important to stay calm and be patient with other people.
To become angry does not show your strength or your assertiveness. The opposite is true. So always keep calm in mind.
The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it.
If we lose the argument, we lose; if we win the argument, we have made the other person feel inferior, hurt his pride, and made him resent us. In other words, we still lose.
The person you are arguing with will, in most cases, hold on to their opinion and will try to persuade you of it.
Try to avoid the points you disagree with and find the ones with which you are on the same page.
That shifts the focus of attention to the positive sides and will cause a much calmer and more harmonious discussion.
A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.
Talk About Your Mistakes
If you made a mistake, speak openly and directly about it. This is not bad in any way. It shows humanity and strength to face one’s mistakes. You also feel better about yourself when you can criticize yourself for it.
Always show that mistakes are easy to correct because they are in the majority of cases.